I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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