White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
