His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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