I must be too annoying 4 u.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
