it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
