What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
