you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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