Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
