dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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