I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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