i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
