smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
