When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
