he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
