Midget sex pt 2 tonight
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
