no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
