I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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