The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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