Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Randomize
