There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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