my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Is it penis luge time yet?
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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