The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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