Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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