I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
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