You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
