I'm gonna have a badass scar
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
