Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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