I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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