Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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