Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
