Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize
