Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Randomize
