Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
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