I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
