Can i not drive my cunt home
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
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