Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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