would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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