pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
