I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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