I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
