I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Four minutes until I can fart!
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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