dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
