the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
