I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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