I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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