So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize