I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
