just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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