It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
