its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
