the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
