Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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