so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
