I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
