he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
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