apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
