Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Randomize
