I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
