I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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