I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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