are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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