Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
