then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Randomize
