I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Randomize
