Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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