Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize