sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
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