TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize
