Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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