And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
