I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
